


Wanted Man

by CallMeCheerios



Category: Kingsman (Movies), Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Harry Hart Lives, M/M, Major Character Injury, Merlin's pov, Post V-Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-25 22:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeCheerios/pseuds/CallMeCheerios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After V-day the world is a mess. It just so happens that that the people who can help put the world back together aren't fairing much better.<br/>So much has changed, but nothing is really different. Eggsy is working for Kingsman. Harry is alive. And Merlin is trying to keep it together. And maybe, just maybe, it'll all work out in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was partially inspired by the titles of George Thorogood songs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine didn't succeed, but they did. Merlin, Roxy, and Eggsy take a moment to breath, to celebrate as they attempt to wrap their heads around what just happened on the plane back to the estate.

“So, what happens now?”

It was the question they were all avoiding, but Roxy, bless her soul, was no stranger to taking charge and knew it needed to be asked. Eggsy had slunk back to the plane, unusually subdued after his rendezvous with the Princess. Merlin mercifully refrained from asking any questions or exchanging any knowing glances. After the events of the day, and the hell that was sure to await them as they moved forward and attempted to clean up Valentine’s mess on a global level, Merlin didn’t have it in him to tease the younger man. Eggsy had seemed utterly deflated in the wake of his world saving adrenaline high. It wasn’t unusual for agents to crash post-mission. Although Roxy seemed completely unaffected by her journey into the stratosphere, she respected the other’s need for quiet as long as she could.

So they’d ridden in silence for the first hour, once they’d rescued Roxy from the frozen tundra. But now that there was nothing but blue ocean below them and the unknown status of London in front of them, they needed to formulate a game plan. They’d acted alone in their efforts to thwart Valentine’s plan to cull the human population and save the planet: the immediacy of the situation had called for it. Now it was time to bring the rest of the Kingsman up to speed. There’s no doubt they’d have a lot to do once they’d fully assessed the situation and everyone had been briefed.

Merlin put the plane on autopilot and joined the two new agents in the back, stopping at the plane’s well-stocked mini bar along the way. Once he’d poured himself two fingers and a very generous thumb of some sort of brown liquid--Eggsy still didn’t know shit about the different kinds of booze, used to just drinking whatever was cheapest or already in front of him--Merlin sat on the plush leather couch and slowly unfolded him limbs, finally settling into an articulate sprawl, mirroring Eggsy’s posture. Yet he still managed to look dignified, while Eggsy just looked uncouth slouch in the chair across from him. His wrinkled, dirt caked, and blood splattered suit certainly didn’t help the matter. 

Roxy had her feet daintily tucked under herself, sitting next to Merlin and looking at him expectantly. “Now I plan to drink this,” Merlin held up his glass in a kind of cheers “refill it, and repeat.” Roxy looked slightly taken aback at his reply. Eggsy just smiled lazily debating the wisdom of fetching himself a drink over trying to get some sleep. 

“But…”

Merlin held up a hand to stop Roxy. “I have no answers at the moment lass. I can’t even begin to assess what’s happening on the ground. When we get back, well, that’s a whole other story. But, until then, we still have five more hours, and I’m of the opinion that the three of us deserve a little bit of downtime. I have a feeling there won’t be any to be had for a very long time after this.” Roxy nodded, taking in Merlin’s words, before heading to the bar herself. Merlin, eyes now closed, continued to sip his drink, completely absorbed in the ritual, as Eggsy watched his peaceful features. Roxy, never one to give less that 110%, returned a few moments later with a tray. She had a drink for both her and Eggsy, and a refill for Merlin. Roxy was usually a whiskey girl--Eggsy couldn’t for the life of him figure out why--but was intrigued, she told them, to see the Kingsman jet stocked one of her favorite bourbons. She’d acquired a taste for Kentucky’s finest during a family trip to the States a few summers back. But Eggsy was less than thrilled to be handed a glass of the stuff, tentatively giving it a sniff and trying not to make a face. 

“Ugh fine.” Roxy snatched his glass away, adding its contents to her own before stalking back to the bar where she miraculously found a can of beer and held it up to show him.

“Yes Rox!” Eggsy whooped and pumped his fist in the air, suddenly much more joyous. “This is why you’re my favorite.”

“Mine too.” Merlin concurred. Roxy laughed.

“Wha? That’s not fair! Aren’t you supposed to be impartial or something?” Eggsy genuinely looked hurt. 

“Perhaps.” Merlin shrugged. “No one has ever accused me of playing favorites. I do my best to treat every agent the same, despite my personal opinions of them. When training new recruits, I do what I can to make sure each of them has the same chance, even if some of them are entitled douche bags, as you call them.” 

“But Roxy’s still your favorite? Like out of everyone or just the two of us?” 

Merlin shrugged again. A placid smile across his lips as he took another sip. 

“Stop being a brat and drink this.” Roxy ordered, shoving the beer into Eggsy’s hand. He popped the tab and took a long draught. He dutifully followed it up with two more. After the third he was feeling decidedly less glum. Both he and Roxy became quite exuberant when they’d been drinking. Roxy became freer and more apt to share. She lost her super serious edge and became approachable and warm. Eggsy, a shameless flirt at any given time, just got even worse, doing everything in his power to try to make Roxy blush. 

Within the hour he and Roxy were lying on the floor, their heads together but feet at separate ends of the aisle. It was the only space where one could actually lie down and even then the path between the chairs was too narrow to lie side by side. They were chatting amicably about everything under the sun. They’d started with tales of the day's events, complete with wild hand gestures and bright laughter, and had moved on to...some other topic--Merlin couldn’t keep up. The Scotch had settled firmly in his limbs making them pleasantly heavy, weighing him down, grounding him and slowing his brain. He relished moments like these, when he could simply not think. It was a rare occasion that he could enjoy a little respite from himself. Usually his mind whirred too fast to allow any peace. It was the worst at night, as he tried to fall asleep: it was one of the reasons he worked so damn much. He not only relished the distraction from his own never ceasing thoughts and speculation but being well and truly tired also eased the struggle.  
Merlin contented himself with half listening to them chatter, letting it act as white noise while he zoned out. He was suddenly pulled back to himself by the jostling movement of Eggsy ungracefully plopping down next to him. 

“Is it because of the dog test?” Eggsy asked quietly. Merlin had no idea what he was asking or why. He just looked at the man who was resolutely not looking at him. “Is that why Roxy is your favorite? Because I couldn’t shoot JB?”

“Are you still on about that?” It was Eggsy’s turn to shrug. “Oh for heaven’s sake Eggsy. I adore each of you equally. There. Better?” Merlin had to work to keep from rolling his eyes.  
“I suppose. Although it wouldn’t kill you to lose the sarcasm for once.” They sat in silence for a moment. “So what happens now?”

“Roxy already used that question. Pick a new one.”

Eggsy snorted. “Okay, okay. I can take a hint. I’ll leave you be.” And with that the younger man simply leaned into Merlin, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder and closing his eyes. 

“Eggsy. That’s the exact opposite of leaving me be.” Eggsy just smiled in response not caring that Merlin couldn’t see it. Although if he’d looked up he would have noticed that Merlin was smiling too.

Roxy joined them on the couch a minute later, nestling into Eggsy’s other side. The rest of the voyage passing in relative peace.


	2. I Drink Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin keeps Eggsy on at Kingsman. They make a damn good team, but that could all change when Merlin reveals that he and Eggsy need to go on a little trip.

Merlin had been right: although when is that ever not the truth? The first few days back were absolute pandemonium. Merlin recalled all Kingsman agents. It was the first time all 12 nights had been physically in the same room since he’d developed the holographic projections and glasses that allowed them to attend meetings remotely. In light of Arthur’s betrayal, it seemed all the more necessary to have everyone physically present. He was able to introduce their newest Lancelot and brief them on what little he knew about the global situation--he always worked tirelessly to keep his finger on the pulse of the world’s happenings, always trying to stay one step ahead. But the world was in shock, and damn near anything could happen next.

It was a slight consolation that more pressing matters kept the older, more stalwart and traditional knights from grumbling mercilessly about their newest addition. Roxy was the first female field agent in the organization’s history. Those loathe to accept change and progress weren’t likely to keep their feelings to themselves. Merlin had every faith that Roxy could handle it with grace and dignity. She wouldn’t lash out, she wouldn’t take unnecessary risks trying to prove herself. She’d simply be better than them, full stop. 

It was a relief not to have to worry about her. Eggsy was another story. He had no idea what to do with the boy. It was unprecedented to take an agent who had failed the final task. Despite the new vacancy, he couldn’t just give the title of Galahad to Eggsy, even though he’d gone above and beyond to help bring Valentine down. Eggsy’s strength of character and abilities were unquestionable. He would have made a fantastic knight and perhaps he would yet. But that wasn’t Merlin’s call to make. He may have adopted many of the responsibilities of Arthur, but he couldn’t just act completely of his own accord. There were rules to follow.

It was with this in mind that Merlin refused to dismiss Eggsy completely. He couldn’t just send him away like the rest of the failed recruits. And Merlin certainly wasn’t going to turn down a volunteer eager to help in any way possible, no matter how small the task. They were stretched far too thin as it was. And so Eggsy became his personal assistant of sorts--aiding in operations by guiding agents when needed, providing extra coverage over the comms, gathering intel, and just generally looking after everyone. 

Once things had settled and a new Arthur had been appointed, then there would be time for discussion. And when the time came Eggsy would have his full support: Merlin had no qualms about currying favor with rest of the knights to get their support too, although he doubted it’d require much effort. Eggsy was always the first to see when an agent was in need. Of course now was not the time to go easy: agent’s mandated three-day break between missions was indefinitely suspended. But Eggsy, through a kind word or small gesture, could almost always find a way to help worn out agents and staff find their second wind. He may still be a little rough around the edges, but it was hard not to develop a soft spot for him. Even the most traditional knights had taken to him despite his lack of silver spoon upbringing. 

His ability to anticipate Merlin’s needs was eerie at times. It never failed to amaze: the boy would show up at his side with a fresh cup of tea that Merlin himself hadn’t known he wanted but was now eternally grateful for, just like now.

“Thank you Eggsy.” Merlin smiled softly, trying not to stare at the bright grin that adorned the boy’s face. Merlin took a sip, unsure if the tea was solely responsible for how warm he felt inside. Merlin hated to dash his cheer: he spun in his chair to face the younger man. “Have a seat, there’s something I need to tell you.” 

Eggsy, features perfectly schooled, did as instructed. It was obvious he was nervous. Only four weeks had passed since V-Day. He knew it couldn’t last forever, but he had hoped he’d have a little while longer. He’d been staying at the estate, on-call for whatever task might arise. He’d yet to see his mom or Daisy but had been assured they were both safe, or as safe as they could be with Dean around. He’d hoped if he could stick it out until a new Arthur was found, then he’d be able to plead his case and become a full-time Kingsman, maybe not a field agent but working with Merlin behind the scenes wasn’t that bad, although getting to spend time with Merlin was the only major perk. 

“Relax Eggsy. I’m not kicking you out.” Merlin knew him too well, although Eggsy supposed that’s what happens when someone follows your every move through months of training. He only wished he knew Merlin that well in return. The Scot was notoriously guarded, but Eggsy was pretty sure the gruff and grumpy exterior was just the result of spending too much time hidden in the basement.

“I’m taking you to Kentucky.”

Eggsy visibly flinched at that statement. He had tried not to think about Harry. Losing him had been hard, especially knowing that he’d thrown away everything Harry had tried to give him. He’d only broached the subject with Merlin once. It was late and they’d had a quiet moment. There was a brief lull between operations, and Merlin had once more broken out a bottle of Scotch. Eggsy had gratefully accepted a glass but didn’t actually drink any of it, much to Merlin’s consternation.

“Why?” Eggsy looked stricken.

“To get Harry.”

Eggsy could only blink in response for a few moments. “Will there be a funeral?” Eggsy figured, given the month that had passed, that whatever was going to happen to Harry’s...remains, had happened discreetly many, many days ago.

“No, lad. Eggsy, we received notice a few days ago that a coma patient matching Harry’s description, a John Doe, was being treated at a hospital in South Glade. The patient awoke this morning. There’s no denying it, it’s Harry.”

“Harry? But...I saw...Valentine...How?”

“We’ll find out more when we get there. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

“In the morning? What the hell are we waiting for?” Eggsy was on his feet now. Pacing wildly and having a private conversation with himself if the muttering and gestures were anything to go by.  
“Why didn’t you say something when you first found out? I mean...days?”

“I had to be certain. I didn’t want to give anyone false hope. And you know as well as I do that there are more pressing matters. Harry may be alive but he’s still in recovery. Rushing to his side won’t make him heal any faster.”

“You don’t know that!” Eggsy shouted. Merlin’s eyebrows arched in a clear challenge. He stood up using his height to his advantage in an effort to reign Eggsy in. “I need a minute.” Eggsy stormed out of the room before Merlin had a chance to assent. Merlin had hoped the conversation would be a bit more civil, but, knowing Eggsy, it had gone better than expected. Merlin slumped back into his chair, giving himself a brief moment to feel guilty before turning around and going back to work. He could do without Eggsy for a little while. 

Sadly the lad didn’t come back for the rest of the afternoon.Merlin called it a day around 7 pm, forsaking dinner in favor of a nice Scotch.


	3. You Talk Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin, Eggsy, and the Kingsman doctor, Dr. Thomas, head to Kentucky to see an old friend.

Merlin was a little surprised when Eggsy showed up in the Kingsman hangar at 7 am on the dot. He had a small backpack no doubt with a change of clothes and whatever else he thought he might need. He’d left before Merlin could give him an itinerary. 

“Going somewhere?” Merlin refused to regulate the chill in his voice.

“I thought…” Eggsy once again looked pained. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I understand if you want me to stay here.” Eggsy shuffled awkwardly looking past Merlin rather than at him.

“Just get on the plane, Eggsy.” Merlin couldn’t stay mad for long. He was clearly losing his edge. Eggsy bounded up the stairs lest he dawdle and give Merlin time to change his mind. Merlin waited until the younger man’s frame was swallowed by the plane’s interior before ascending the stairs himself. He caught a glimpse of Eggsy, sprawled ungainly and talking animatedly to Dr. Thomas. Dr. Thomas, a man in his 60s who’d been in Kingsman’s employ since the late 80s, was listening intently. 

Once he’d gotten over Eggsy’s wardrobe--since V-day Eggsy had returned to his usual polos, baggy jeans, and god awful shoes--the two seemed to be kindred spirits. Dr. Thomas had an endless stream of stories and was always willing to share. Sadly his passion for world history was rarely appreciated by those around him. He also routinely failed to notice when someone was in a hurry or giving less than his or her full attention. He’d trap you for what felt like hours if you didn’t rather forcefully excuse yourself. Most agents avoided him when possible. Harry had once climbed out the window and across the roof during a snowstorm to get out of listening to what was sure to be a very, very long story about some minor historical battle. 

Of course he always had a obedient audience in whomever he was patching up, much to the injured party’s dismay. More than once Merlin rolled his eyes while listening to an agent not-so-cleverly cite “adding insult to injury” while complaining about their visits to the medical ward. Merlin would simply nod and ask them to consider it an incentive to not be a reckless idiot next time they were in the field. 

Eggsy had a similar habit of reveling in storytelling, although he was much more likely to listen than to share. Occasionally, however, Merlin would find himself listening to one of Dr. Thomas’ tales second hand as Eggsy recounted whatever “fascinating” epic he’d just learned about. Merlin had to admit it was much more interesting when coming from Eggsy. The lad’s enthusiasm was catching. 

Merlin ducked into the cockpit and readied the jet for takeoff. They were up in the air and well on their way before he heard the murmurings from the back die down. Apparently Eggsy and Dr. Thomas had run out of things to talk about: Merlin was grateful for the silence. It didn’t last long however. Soon enough Eggsy emerged in the cockpit, not bothering to knock on the closed door that had been mercifully separating Merlin from the chatterboxes in back, and sat in the co-pilot’s seat. 

“Can I help you Eggsy?” 

“Dr. Thomas wanted to take a nap.” Eggsy shrugged. Merlin checked his watch, wondering if Eggsy was going to offer up a little more by way of an explanation.

“A nap? It’s not even quarter after 9. Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to get rid of you?”

“Hey now! I’ll have you know his dog, Ella, had puppies at like two this morning: he didn’t get much sleep what with the commotion.”

“So you left him in peace and came up here to bother me instead.” 

“If it’s a bother I can go back. Didn’t mean to intrude or nothing. Just thought you might want some company.” Eggsy sounded hurt. Merlin could kick himself: he knew Eggsy well enough by now to know that the boy’s pretense at being considerate was only part of the truth. Eggsy had wanted company. Most likely he was anxious about the trip and seeing Harry. Merlin felt much the same way but tended to crave solitude rather than seek out others in cases like this. Eggsy knew Merlin well enough to take the man’s resulting sigh as a sign of acquiescence and carried on. 

“Wanna see pictures?”

“Of?” 

“The puppies.” Eggsy held up his phone, practically cooing at the screen.

“How...why do you have pictures?”

Eggsy gave a half shrug and handed the phone to Merlin. “He emailed them to me. He knows I love dogs. And these ones are just so cute. I thought JB was little when I got him, but these guys are even tinier. They have little bitty legs and fluffy ears...”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve adopted one. I think JB is all the dog you can handle.”

“Don’t I know it.” Eggsy laughed. “He still doesn’t listen to me. But Dr. Thomas had figured you might want a few of them for recruits, although now that Harry is back, no need right?” Merlin nodded absently, swiping through the photos and hoping he wouldn’t swipe too far and stumble upon something he wasn’t supposed to see. “I always kind of wondered where you got the puppies. But I guess cocker spaniels--that’s what these are…” Merlin looked up at Eggsy, eyebrows raised. Eggsy was still a little embarrassed he’d thought JB was a bulldog and knew Merlin was thinking about the very same incident. “Dr. Thomas told me. Apparently they’re very trustworthy, gentle, good with kids, and great with old people. You should consider taking one.”

“Are you calling me old?” Merlin continued to stare at Eggsy this time with a look of indignity. Eggsy realized his gaff just a moment too late, eyes going wide. 

“Wha?...No...I….” Eggsy was certain that Merlin was contemplating throwing him out of the plane without a parachute for real this time. Merlin enjoyed watching the tips of Eggy’s ears turn pink and couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s alright Eggsy.” Merlin reach over to pat his knee in an effort to calm the boy and keep him put. Eggsy looked ready to bolt for the door. “You can relax, I know what you meant.” Eggsy looked relieved. “But I can assure you I won’t be getting a dog anytime soon.”

“So you’re more of a cat person? I can see that.” Eggsy starts ticking off fingers. “Grumpy, temperamental, stand offish, does whatever they want and doesn’t listen to anybody…” Eggsy grinned at Merlin, “Sounds like a match made in heaven.” Merlin just shook his head while tsking in response. 

They touched down in Kentucky and made their way to the hospital with little fan fare. Both Merlin and Eggsy got to say their hellos while Dr. Thomas checked in with the hospital staff to get a full rundown on Harry’s condition. To Merlin’s puzzlement, Eggsy didn’t seem nearly as excited to see Harry as he’d expected. Eggsy seemed awkward, timid even. He was ashen faced and very quiet, acting as a bystander rather than a participant in their little reunion.  
Before long Merlin and Eggsy were ushered out of the room and the door closed behind them. Dr. Thomas had insisted that he and Harry needed a private moment to chat and plot Harry’s continuing recovery process. 

“You okay?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I dunno this is just weird. We didn’t leave off on the best of terms, and then I thought…” Eggsy’s voice broke and both men stared in opposite directions in an attempt to keep the moment from getting too awkward and emotional. “I thought what we all thought. Except you of course.” There was no malice or spite in that last bit. Eggsy clearly didn’t hate Merlin for keeping a secret, for which Merlin was very relieved. Eggsy shook his head. “It’s like so many things have changed but nothing’s really any different. Does that even make sense?”

Eggsy was looking at him, brows drawn together in sad confusion. Before Merlin could stop himself, he had wrapped his arms around Eggsy, and Eggsy was hugging him back. “It makes perfect sense.” They stayed like that for only a minute. They parted when the heard the door to Harry’s room open. It was Dr. Thomas.

“Don’t mind me. I’ll just go get started on the discharge paperwork.” Dr. Thomas shuffled off down the hall towards the nurse’s station, leaving Eggsy and Merlin to join Harry in his hospital room. 

”If I have to listen to him tell me about the Battle of Bimbos one more time…”

“Dimbos.” Eggsy interrupted. “It’s the Battle of Dimbos.” Merlin stared at Eggsy slightly impressed. Harry was undeterred.

“Either way, if I have to listen to him for one more minute, I’m slipping back into a coma and never waking up. Is that understood?” 

“Oi that’s not fair. I like Milton.” Both Merlin and Harry looked slightly surprised as Eggsy’s use of the man’s first name. In fact neither Harry nor Merlin actually knew what his first name was, always having referred to him simply as Dr. Thomas. If hard pressed neither of them could have even accurately guessed it started with an M. 

“I didn’t know you and _Milton_ were so close.” Harry countered. 

“Well Merlin and the rest of the Kingsmen are up to their eyeballs in saving the world, Rox included. And we all thought you were dead. Who else is there to talk to? Don’t get me wrong, I love Daisy but she’s not much of a conversationalist, and I can’t actually tell my mom about any of this, so…” Eggsy finished with a shrug. “Plus I’ve learned loads from him. For example Dimbos, derived from the word for ‘change of faith’ was the first Byzantine town to fall to the Ottomans in 1302.”

Harry cut him off with a groan, pleading “Make him stop!” He’d expected Merlin to share his desire to keep Eggsy from finishing his boring factoid and was confused to see Merlin sporting a small, indulgent smile rather than rolling his eyes.


	4. Nobody But Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's back, and Eggsy's officially an agent. Merlin should be happy that everything is falling into place. There still seems to be something missing.

Merlin heard a distinct and familiar clatter of footsteps advancing down the corridor towards his office. They came to a quiet stop just inside the door.

“Are you lost?” Merlin asked as he looked up to see Eggsy leaning against the door frame. Eggsy had one leg crossed delicately in front of the other, wearing his Kingsman suit and a sheepish smile. 

“Just stopping by for a quick visit.” Eggsy moved into the room, as he asked, “What do you think?” and gestured vaguely at himself.  
“I think you look even better than the last time I saw you in that suit.”

“It’s the tie.” Eggsy smiled. The tie had been a gift from Merlin to replace the one Gazelle had destroyed. The suit had been salvaged after Eggsy’s brutal battle in the bunker. It had sustained considerable damage while he’d taken down Valentine and his henchmen but was able to be saved at Eggsy’s behest. Even though there’d been a chance that he’d never get to wear it in the field again, it had been a gift from Harry. It was the only tangible memento he had from his time in training and the too brief hour spent under Harry’s tutelage. Of course with Harry back, the suit was no less significant, it just didn’t hold the same sense of nostalgia. Harry was alive after all. And his return marked a major shift within the Kingsman organization. His return provided a desperately needed morale boost for the other agents. Even though Harry wasn’t 100% and still had a fair bit of recovering to do, that he had survived at all was without a doubt seen as a sign of hope. Good things could still happen. Good men could still survive despite the current state of chaos. Four weeks definitely wasn’t enough time to set the world right, but things seemed a little less bleak. 

“Indeed.” Merlin returned Eggsy’s smile with a soft one of his own. “Now if I’m not mistaken, I believe you have a plane to catch.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Eggsy replied wryly. “You and Harry...Arthur, briefed me yesterday. I just wanted to stop in before I left.” There was a long pause. Merlin wasn’t sure how to respond, and it was clear Eggsy had something he wanted to add. 

Since Harry had become the new Arthur, once again a position at the table had opened up. Eggsy seemed like an obvious choice. He had helped take down Valentine and, in the aftermath, had dedicated himself wholeheartedly to Kingsman despite no assurances that he’d ever become an agent. Eggsy knew there was a chance he’d be out on his ass the moment a new Arthur was found. He’d also endeared himself to most of the existing agents and staff, but in truth not everyone at the table was convinced that Eggsy’s role in stopping Valentine was enough reason to throw out decades upon decades of tradition. Plain and simple Eggsy had failed the final test. Were the situation any different, had he not killed Arthur and taken down Valentine, he would have been dismissed long ago.

No one could say for sure if Eggsy’s refusal to shoot the doe-eyed pup had to do with his soft spot for the little beast or something more instinctual. Maybe he knew deep down that Chester was untrustworthy. Maybe it just meant he didn’t have what it took to be a Kingsman. When the topic was brought up at the table, a lively debate had ensued. Ultimately, once enough insults had been flung across the table and enough voices raised that Merlin had to physically intervene to prevent Percival and Gawain from coming to blows, it was decided. As Roxy had calmly pointed out, while doing a valiant job of hiding her disgust as the boys around her bickered, they needed another agent, and they needed one as soon as possible. Finding recruits and putting them through their paces would take months. They already had a trained and willing operative pacing nervously in the hallway while they all talked about him. 

In the end none of the agents expressed any lasting qualms about passing the title of Galahad onto Eggsy. But it was all rather unceremonious. If it had been up to Merlin there would have been at least a little more fanfare. He recognized that all Roxy got was a weak smile and a slimy handshake from a slimy old man (Merlin had never cared much for Chester) as a means of congratulations. The was no party or formal celebration. And of course the new suit and the rest of the Kingsman package had had to wait until the whole Valentine situation had been eradicated. When the time came, she had graciously and gracefully accepted the new house, bespoke suit, expense account, and knowledge that the fate of the world would undoubtedly be in her hands many, many times over the coming decades with aplomb. Merlin knew she had a bright future. 

And he firmly believed the same could be said for Eggsy: there was a reason he’d decided to keep him close to Kingsman once he’d been dismissed by Chester. But Eggsy had experienced hardships that Roxy couldn’t begin to imagine. Merlin didn’t think it was enough, despite the grandiosity of the life Eggsy was being awarded, to just pat him on the back and give him a wry smile. He wanted Eggsy to know how much he was cherished. And somehow that desire translated into Merlin impulsively purchasing him a new tie. There wasn’t anything special about it really. It didn’t contain any technological upgrades or hidden devices. It didn’t double as a weapon. It simply brought out the color of Eggsy’s eyes. It wasn’t much, but it was still something.

Then again Merlin had no idea that Eggsy’s version of celebrating his new job was to kick the ever-loving shit out of his mother’s boyfriend and accompanying goons. Watching the footage had been spectacular. Of course Merlin couldn’t disregard the direct correlation between the lesson in manners Harry had delivered months before and Eggsy’s performance. It was a masterful replica with only a few telltale, decidedly Eggsy flairs. He also couldn’t shake off the significance of it. He wasn’t blind. He’d watched the boy cycle through a whirlwind of emotions in the short time he’d known Harry. There was fear and awe, excitement and hope, and eventually nothing but pure grief. 

Merlin found himself eyeing Eggsy in the few quiet moments they’d shared in the tech lab. He’d take in the younger man’s profile and wonder if the acute sense of loss he clearly felt was tinged with something else. Maybe he was mourning the unfulfilled promise of what could have been. It made Merlin’s heart ache to know that Eggsy was suffering. It compounded his own grief at having lost an excellent agent and his closest friend. Harry was a pain in the ass on his best day. But a world without him was still desolate. Watching Eggsy mope and mourn had been trying, although the younger man did a valiant job of trying to hide it. He was always quick to smile and eager to exude confidence. Then again after spending months watching his every move during training and then working in close quarters for four weeks, Merlin felt confident that he could read Eggsy’s face no matter how miniscule or fleeting the expression that crossed it was. Before discovering Harry was laid up in a hospital in Kentucky, Eggsy’s quieter moments had been suffused with a sadness evident to anyone who knew what to look for. 

Now he was nothing shy of ecstatic. He’d overcome whatever awkwardness had enveloped him at the hospital and was all but prancing around the estate. His usual thuggish swagger disappeared the moment he donned his Kingsman issued suit. His strides were purposeful and exact, much like his new attitude. His elation at being named Galahad and getting a place at the table without the agency having to lose another knight was astounding. Merlin admired his fervor, although was loathe to believe that he or Harry or the rest of the agents, except maybe the former Lancelot, had ever been so eager or accommodating. He didn’t butt heads with some of the more traditional agents nor did he grumble and grouse when it was evident things weren’t going to work in his favor. That’s not to say he wasn’t at least a little bit surprised that Eggsy didn’t complain once about getting smaller, less flashy missions. As the low man on the totem pole, Eggsy was likely to be assigned a lot of close to home surveillance and reconnaissance endeavors or loaned out to other Kingsman branches that had lost agents in the V-day maelstrom. Merlin also felt a faint rush of pride, believing that Eggsy had taken his words to heart and done away with the chip on his shoulder. At the very least it had been whittled down considerably.

“It’s going to be weird not being down here. Not working with you.” Eggsy had stopped shifting from one foot to the other and simply crossed his arms. Merlin watched him go still as he rose from his seat. It only took a few paces before he was able to place a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder and look him firmly in the eye.

“Eggsy, you full well that Kingsman is a team. We all work together. Even if you’re sent on a solo mission, you are not alone. We may not be in the same room, but I’ll be in your ear guiding you. I’ll be with you when need me. And I’ll still be here when you don’t. You know where to find me when you’re not off on a mission, and my door is always open so to speak. Being Galahad doesn’t change any of that. In fact it means we’ll be working more closely together than ever before. Your life may depend on it.” Merlin hadn’t intended for his pep talk to get so deep. It had veered widely from uplifting and skipped straight to bordering on sappy. In a half-assed attempt at levity he added, “Now run along. We need you in Berlin.”

“Yeah alright. Promise you’ll miss me?” Eggsy beamed brightly.

“With all my heart.” Merlin replied dryly, patting Eggsy’s shoulder. The sarcasm of his vow was more than evident to Eggsy. He’d intended as much. He didn’t think it’d do any good for both of them to know the truth of his statement. 

“Ha! I knew I was your favorite. Wait til I tell Roxy.” Eggsy smiled triumphantly. Merlin rolled his eyes. 

“Just wait until she’s back from Abu Dhabi. She doesn’t need this kind of upsetting news distracting her from her mission.”

Eggsy snorted. “Sure thing bruv.” And with that Eggsy was gone. Merlin turned back to his computer noting for the first time that it was too quiet in his office.


	5. Double Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy heads out on a mission, but things don't go as planned. Merlin attempts to cope with the aftermath.

The assignment should have been simple, or at least as simple as things ever are. Which is to say not at all. But they had had it planned out, perfected, or so they thought. They’d sent Eggsy to Berlin to parlay with the tech team there. They’d brief him on any last minute updates and then send him east into Poland to infiltrate a bombed out munitions factory that had re-appropriated to become the central hub of a burgeoning technological warfare empire. It was just a matter of crossing the perimeter, subduing the guards, rounding up the head honchos, and letting the Berlin branch clear out the facility. They had toyed briefly with the idea of sending Eggsy in as a potential buyer, but setting up a necessary chain of contacts to establish Eggsy as a serious and thoroughly vetted and trustworthy client would have dragged this out too long. It was imperative that the contents be brought back safely to Berlin to be assessed and destroyed. Merlin had it on good authority that nothing being created was even remotely in league with his own agency’s devices. If it turned out to be otherwise, he was not above studying and stealing what they find. You can learn a lot from your enemies.

Having some of the most technologically advanced equipment in the world bolstered his spirits on occasion, but mostly it gave a false sense of security. Better weapons didn’t make them better. It sure as hell didn’t make him, his agents, or the unknowing citizens of the world safe. There were no guarantees. And as careful as they had been and always are, things can and do go wrong. 

Eggsy had diligently ensured that the building was clear and was at a slight loss for what to do next. There had been murmurs of confusion over the comms between Merlin’s feed and those watching in Berlin as it was obvious that their arrival hadn’t been a secret. The warehouse was completely clean, despite confirmations and hours upon hours of surveillance footage capturing the regular goings on of the factory, the culprits had been one, if not several, steps ahead of them. There was no record of operations ceasing and being moved to a new location. Merlin himself was at a loss for how to advise Eggsy to proceed, and then his equipment picked up the presence of dozens of high-grade explosives set around the building. It was as if they’d appeared out of nowhere, and the only advice Merlin could muster was “Run. Now!” Eggsy didn’t need to be told twice before he took off, heading back towards the rendezvous point at a full out sprint. 

Then the charges ignited. 

The world tilted violently as the deafening noise assaulted them all. The ground rumbled, and the whole building collapsed. Plumes of dust rolled away from the epicenter and provided cover for the debris that flew in all directions. It took several heart-stopping minutes for the sky to clear enough for Merlin to fully see the aftermath of what had happened. They sky looked empty where the four story, cement warehouse had stood. The buildings around it were fractured and crumbling so far beyond the ruin they’d been before the explosion. Several of them were now nothing more than a monument to destruction. Few of the buildings had been structurally sound when they arrived. Now the whole abandoned neighborhood was more akin to a landfill. There were small mountains of rubble marring the landscape. But Eggsy was conspicuously absent. 

The feed from his glasses had gone offline in the melee. There was a faint green blip on the radar indicating a body was at rest several dozen meters from the building but well within the blast range. There was no indication of the condition of the body, Eggsy’s without a doubt, buried under an anonymous pile of debris. Merlin had no way of knowing if Eggsy was alive or dead, or dangling precariously between the two. He couldn’t get a read on Eggsy’s vitals, and he was terrified. How they’d all missed the presence of the explosives was beyond him. But someone had fucked up. He had fucked up. 

An evacuation was called for immediately, the recovery vehicle just a few minutes out. He needed to get Eggsy out of there, even if it was too late. He knew it was risky sending more men in just in case there were any more charges waiting to be detonated. It took fifteen minutes before Eggsy was unearthed. The first visual of his face froze Merlin in his seat. Surely he was dead. His suit was torn, his skin scraped and raw, a blood cascading down his face from a wound in his scalp. He was covered head to toe in soot and dirt. But he was breathing, shallowly, barely rasping breaths, but breathing nonetheless. They suspected he had several broken bones, ribs among them, which were in serious danger of piercing the delicate, paper thin tissue of his lungs. Merlin held his breath as they moved Eggsy, transporting him as gently as they could in their urgency to the waiting helicopter. They were on their way back to Berlin. Eggsy had been hooked to an array of monitors. His vitals didn’t look good but his heart was beating. Merlin had been given assurances that they would do everything in their power to save him. There was nothing more Merlin could do for him. Time was a key element in Eggsy’s temperamental survival, and he served as little more than a gross distraction. Reluctantly he cut his feed, leaving the medic in the copter do his best, just in time to hear the distinct, piercing tone of Eggsy flat-lining. 

ooOoo 

“We’re already down one field agent. You and I both know we can’t afford more distractions.” Arthur had a point.Of course it was the same point that Merlin had made to him just two days ago. 

Merlin’s patience was always on the brink of being tested. The newly instated Arthur knew this full well, reveled in it even. He’d always enjoyed pushing buttons, Merlin’s specifically, if he could. Even after 30 years, Harry, who insisted that Merlin use his new title just to be a spiteful little shit, enjoyed ruffling Merlin’s feathers. It seemed likely that neither a bullet to the head, his advancing age, nor anything in between would change that. Perhaps Merlin should retire early and look into accommodations on the moon. Perhaps Mars was nice this time of year. 

“And yet you authorized this.” A flimsy manila folder, home to just a few scraps of paper, signed and in triplicate, hit the desk with an unsatisfying thud. 

“I did what I had to do for the sake of all involved.” The sharpness of Merlin’s statement was undermined by squawks and hollers from the corridor. Even with the heavy wooden doors shut, they could hear whatever racket was going on out there. For now they both mutually and silently agreed it was in their best interests not to know the details. 

There was another crash, several more muffled curses, and a few grunts of indignant surprise filtering down the hallway. A heavy sigh was lobbed across the desk towards Merlin. Merlin’s only response was a long, hard stare. They’d played this game many, many times. And he always won. Or at least almost always. It would take a major distraction to break Merlin’s concentration and end this stalemate. He felt confident that Arthur would crack long before he was needed back at the comms. There were only a few missions afield at the moment, and none of them required his undivided attention, and Merlin’s icy, unrelenting stare was enough to strike fear into the hearts of recruits, seasoned agents, and any unwitting fool who dared to cross him as he went about in normal society. The glasses and sweater (instead of the standard suits) did little to soften him or his expression. Going bald had only further sharpened his features. Eggsy had, on more than one occasion, commented on his so-called resting bitch face. Of course it didn’t do to dwell on things of the past. Arthur’s voice pulled him back to the present. 

“First you browbeat me into accepting the position of Arthur…” 

“I didn’t browbeat you.” Merlin countered. 

“Blackmail. Browbeat.” Harry waved his hand, silently dismissing the notion that there was a difference between the two. _Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to._ “It’s unfortunate enough that I have been reduced to sitting behind a desk and shuffling paperwork when I’m not busy kissing the asses of parliament that is. But I am not a babysitter.” The final declaration was accompanied by a look, one that clearly meant _that’s your job_! 

It was a challenge of sorts. And it certainly struck a nerve, as intended. Harry really didn’t think so little of Merlin’s role within Kingsman, but the undue frustration that haunted each of them in the wake of V-Day and even more recent events left them both uninterested in diplomacy or watching their words. Merlin trudged forward, not rising to Harry’s baited comment. 

“You’ll need help settling in. Taking on the role of Arthur isn’t an easy transition, and you’re still recovering.” They’d been bickering for days, weeks even since Harry was cleared to go back to work and begrudgingly became the new Arthur, about assigning him a personal assistant. Harry needed help. The Lord and everyone else knew that Harry possessed the discipline and authority to make a fine Arthur, perhaps the best yet. Whether he would choose to employ those skills or just continue to bitch about the imposition, had yet to be seen. “Considering it an extension of your mentor duties, if you must. He needs something to do that won’t get him killed.” _Again._

“He should be at home resting. Not terrorizing my staff.” 

“Oi.” The shout sounded just as the door came crashing open. “No fucking way am I sitting at home getting soft while you lot run around and save the world.” 

“Still haven’t learned to knock, have you Eggsy?” The admonishment wasn’t the least bit intimidating. Harry couldn’t seem to contain his barely suppressed glee. He had a soft spot for the lad. It was equal parts endearing and infuriating. The lad in question was beaming at them. Merlin watched Eggsy, one foot propped up, in his wheelchair, attempting to navigate the doorway. He looked about a thousand times better than he had when they’d found him buried in the ruins of the warehouse. That he’d flat-lined twice and played jump rope with the line between life and death several times in the days to follow hadn’t done a damn thing to damped his spirits. 

They’d put Eggsy on leave during his recovery. Several broken ribs, a punctured lung, a sizable head wound, and a broken leg would keep him out of the field for several months. Merlin wasn’t sure why he’d expected Eggsy to go along with it. The lad was too damn stubborn and proud to just sit still and heal. No, he insisted on coming back to the estate after his mandatory two week bed rest and careening up and down the halls like a bat out of hell. He’d nearly flattened every staff member and agent at some point. Most of Kingsman was lobbying to have Eggsy banned from the premises until he was back on his feet. What more, he had thrown himself from his chair, re-injuring his ribs, at least twice as a result of taking corners too fast. He was a menace. 

After he healed up, he’d still have to pass a series of practical exams before being declared ready to reenter the field. Until then, it would be an excruciating test of patience to deal with his confined energy. Without a means of expending some of his youthful exuberance, Eggsy’s general temperament veered sharply away from stoically cautious and left him restless, juvenile, and completely lacking in patience of his own. The tech work he’d done before becoming an agent wasn’t enough to keep him occupied anymore. As much as he generally enjoyed Eggsy’s presence, he was proving to be more of a distraction than of any real assistance, and Merlin desperately needed a break. 

“I figured I got a free pass what with dying and all. You’re not the only one who can come back from the dead.” Eggsy smiled triumphantly, chin tilted up, and raised his eyebrows in conjunction with the light jab at Harry. He seemed far too pleased to have that, of all things, in common with his mentor. It was tactless and infuriating in Merlin’s opinion. Eggsy and Harry thought it was hilarious which left Merlin with the urge to punch something. It wasn’t funny. At all. The grim horror of facing a devastating loss, feeling like there should have been more you could do to save someone made his heart seize. Harry had always been flippant, almost _laissez-faire_ about the dangers of his job. But Eggsy had watched, just as Merlin had time and time again, as someone he was close to was lost in the field. That that someone had miraculously survived and was sitting before them was an anomaly, a miracle even, not a joke. He wanted to shake some sense into both of them. 

“Well if that’s settled,” Merlin rose from his chair, “I’ll leave you two to it.” He dropped his hand to Eggsy’s shoulder, delivering a quick, reassuring squeeze as he passed towards the door. Eggsy had managed to wheel himself into the office and was rocking forwards and backwards, discontent with sitting still but unable to get up and pace around the room. Merlin shut the door behind him, muffling whatever Harry had said. He could still hear the burst of laughter that followed them and, for a moment, felt a pang of regret.


	6. Long Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Eggsy recuperates, he spends his days helping Harry. The two of them have grown closer than ever, and Merlin has mixed feelings about breaking up the duo and sending Eggsy back into the field.

It was too quiet in the lab these days. Eggsy still stopped by regularly, but in the interim the quiet was more distracting than it was peaceful. It would seem that Merlin had grown accustomed to Eggsy’s presence whether it was in person or over the comms. Despite what Merlin said to the contrary, Eggsy possessed an unflappable certainty that Merlin was, and always would be, absolutely thrilled, nay delighted, to see Eggsy’s ugly mug. Merlin couldn’t disagree with the first part of that assessment, although he wouldn’t dare say it out loud. As for the latter part, well Eggsy could never be described as ugly, far from it in fact. Even broken and bleeding and on the cusp of dying, he was still unfairly gorgeous. Despite Chester’s jowly presence proving the exception to the rule, Kingsman had always been rife with the best and brightest and beautiful. 

It had taken more effort than Merlin cared to admit to attempt to tamp down the burgeoning affection he felt for Eggsy, and if he was honest, his attempts weren’t particularly successful. Merlin also found himself making extra trips upstairs to Harry’s new office to look in on Eggsy and Harry. He told himself it was to check on their progress and best monitor their activities. Of course that could simply be accomplished through the elaborate surveillance system installed on the estate, but once again Merlin told himself that sometimes doing things the old fashioned way was best regardless of his technological prowess. 

It was that attitude that led him from his office to just outside Harry’s office. From the other side of the door, Merlin could hear what sounded like a friendly but loud debate punctuated with laughter and the occasional curse. Merlin knocked several times but went unacknowledged by the gaiety going on inside, so he gave in and just tried the handle. The door swung open to reveal that the office was a complete disaster. He’d seen rooms hit by low grade explosives that looked neater. There were papers everywhere, books sitting askew on shelves and spread across the floor. This was _not_ what Merlin had had in mind when he’d assigned Eggsy to help Harry settle in as Arthur, but he really shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“Watch where you’re walking!” Eggsy called out. He spun in his wheelchair and rolled towards where Merlin was standing in the doorway. The front wheels were lifted high in the air and didn’t make contact with the carpet once, but the back ones proceeded to trample and crease a good number of the papers scattered about. He looked slightly abashed when Merlin raised an eyebrow at the small-scale destruction Eggsy had left in his wake. It didn’t seem to matter much to any of them that it paled in comparison to the general state of the room. Harry barely looked up from the small pile he had in his lap. Legs crossed primly, elbow seated on the armrest, Harry tapped a finger against his lips as he read through whatever paper was on top. 

“Eggsy,” Harry held out the paper, still not looking up, “place this with the other 2011 expense reports.” Eggsy wheel over, snached the paper from Harry and set it on the floor in the corner. Sadly, from where he was seated in the wheelchair he couldn’t quite touch the ground, despite his many years of gymnastics training and general flexibility. As a result the paper fluttered slightly, caught on some unseen updraft and floated away. It settled at the outward edge of a different fan of paper, and Eggsy cursed to himself that he’d have to get up to get it. It didn’t matter that Eggsy hadn’t actually needed the wheelchair for quite some time. 

Merlin took pity on the lad, clearly going soft, and walked over. He stepped none-too-gingerly, specifically and purposefully refraining from heeding Eggsy’s warning. It was more for show than anything else. There was far less spite and malice in him than he led people to believe. Additionally there wasn’t much he could do to not send papers quivering in this direction or that as he walked across the paper-covered carpet. 

“I see you two are working hard,” Merlin observed out loud with more than a hint of sarcasm. 

“We got a system.” Eggsy proclaimed nonchalantly. He half shrugged and wheeled back for the next paper Harry held out. He delivered that one with marginally more success this time and rolled back over for another.

“And I suppose the wheelchair is an integral part of that system.” Merlin couldn’t help but point out, even in a roundabout way, the ridiculousness of it.

“Nah, not even a little bit.” Eggsy said as he waved off Merlin’s jab. “It’s just fun. Helps keep me from dying of boredom,” something Eggsy deftly illustrated by propelling himself across the room. “I can’t wait until I’m done with this shit--no offense Harry--but this is fucking boring.”

“None taken Eggsy. It is fucking boring.” Harry had finally looked up, this time locking his gaze on Merlin, staring intently to help make his shared opinion felt. Merlin rolled his eyes, and did his best to adopt an expression that said “too bad.” 

“At least I don’t have to worry about this shit much longer.” Eggsy huffed a sigh of relief and turned in a tight circle. “I’m dying to get off my arse and actually do something.”

“If you want to get off your arse, perhaps you can start by getting rid of the wheelchair. It’s not as though you need it.” It wasn’t the most astute observation Merlin had ever made, but it was a fair point. For a man so eager to always be on the move, sitting still certainly can’t have helped Eggsy combat the boredom of staying inside and away from missions. Rolling here and there wasn’t enough of a reprieve in Merlina’s estimation.

“We have a system,” Eggsy merely repeated. 

“Yes. I decide which papers go where, and Eggsy steamrolls everything in his path. It works splendidly,” Harry deadpanned, once again not bothering to look up from the papers he was examining. 

“Oi up yours, Harry!” Eggsy’s mock outrage only encouraged the playful smile Harry sported. “So much for being part of a team, you wanker.”

“Well as fascinating as this conversation has been,” Merlin’s dry delivery sent dubious looks across both of the other men’s faces, “I did come up here for a reason. Here.” Merlin handed Harry another docket, much to Eggsy’s dismay. There was very quiet, but distinct mumbling that very much sounded like a complaint about more fucking paperwork. “Yes, Eggsy. It’s more fucking paperwork, but you might take a special interest in this set.”

Eggsy tossed Merlin a curious look and promptly whipped his attention back to the papers now in Harry’s hands. 

“Is that…?” His keen eyes took in the first few lines of the top paragraph, and he launched himself out of the wheelchair with a triumphant whoop! The chair rolled back violently, crashing into Merlin’s shins, while Eggsy jumped for joy with one fist raised high in the air. “Yes! I’m cleared for field duty. About fucking time.”

“Not so quick, Eggsy,” Merlin warned. The short order had Eggsy freezing instantly, eyes wide and imploring, as Merlin cheerlessly stomped on his glee. “It’s not official until Harry signs off on it.”

“Hmmm. I am rather busy today.” Harry feigned aloofness, playing along with Merlin and tapping on his lips once more as he hammed it up. “I may be able to look this over properly next week. The week after at the latest.”

“I hate both of you. Come on just sign the thing!” 

“Very well.” Harry dashed off a signature with an unmistakable and unnecessary flourish. He presented the paper to Eggsy. “Congratulations Eggsy.”

“Alright Harry! You’re the best.” Eggsy clapped Harry on the shoulder in his elation. “Merlin you’re pretty okay too.” Merlin could only roll his eyes in response, but that just prompted Eggsy’s smile to widen surpassing sheer cheekiness and expanding all the way to distinct glee. “Does this mean I can be done for today?” Eggsy directed his question to Harry.

“I don’t see why not, unless Merlin could use your help with something.” It was a noncommittal reply, the kind that Harry was well known for. There was also a vague insinuation and possibly something wishful. It wasn’t the first time that Merlin suspected that Harry suspected there was something going on. Merlin’s harsh disinclination to talk about it, didn’t help matters. It was literally Harry’s job to inquire, make assumptions, and prove them right. He often didn’t need much evidence to do so, but when he did it was Merlin’s job to collect it. In this rare instance, Merlin was less than forthcoming. The less Harry knew the better. 

“Just go Eggsy.” Merlin offered his permission. With one more whoop of glee, Eggsy grabbed the wheelchair by the push handles and bounded out of the room. 

“Cheers,” Eggsy shouted as he careened down the hallway. Merlin watched him go, and Harry watched Merlin. Now that it was just the two of them in his office, Harry seemed to have lost all pretense of being absorbed in his work.

“Whatever you’re going to say, just say it.” Merlin grumbled. He could always tell when Harry had something he wanted to share. Merlin especially didn’t like or appreciate the coy grin that accompanied Harry’s words. 

“I don’t have the foggiest of clues as to what you mean,” Harry chimed back with faux surprise. His innocent act was hardly convincing, although that was clearly the point. Harry had been nagging him since the hospital in Kentucky. He’d been not-so-discreetly intimating that there was more to them, Eggsy and Merlin that is, than a simple handler-agent relationship. Merlin had been finding new and more colorful ways to tell Harry to go get stuffed. It wasn’t in Merlin’s best interest to rise to the bait, so he waited. When Harry didn’t seem inclined to continue, Merlin turned to leave. “You might want to consider inviting the boy out for a drink. He deserves to celebrate. It might do you some good to have a drink with someone and not just sitting in your office alone.”

Merlin squinted back at Harry, a discerning glare that clearly posed the question of ‘how did you know?’ There were few secrets in Kingsman, although Merlin liked to believe he wasn’t being monitored every second. After all that was his job. Harry simply smiled that infuriating smile, chin held high and proud and eyes far too keen for their own good.

“I’m Arthur,” he said as though that was explanation enough, and that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd, so I apologize if there are any mistakes.


	7. Night Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy and Merlin celebrate Eggsy's return to the field with a bottle of scotch. As the hours pass, a truth dawns on Merlin.

It was sometime later, a few hours perhaps after Merlin had returned to his office, that he’d decided to call it quits on his own. The life of a Kingsman was always full of surprises, so to find Eggsy kitted out in his street clothes, standing in the doorway shouldn’t have been much of a shock. Anything can happen at anytime, but this certainly wasn’t expected.

“Eggsy, what are you doing here? You left hours ago.” Merlin had to check his watch to be sure of the time, but it was definitely long past the hour when most folks headed home for the evening.

“I know. I had dinner with Mum and Daisy. Then I figured what I really wanted was a drink, you know, to celebrate getting cleared for mission and what not. So how about it?”

Merlin was perplexed for a moment and thrown off by Eggsy’s sincerity. There was not even a hint of his usual rugged, cheeky smile. During Merlin’s brief hesitation, Eggsy produced a bottle of scotch from somewhere and held it out like an offering. Merlin was certain he hadn’t been holding it a moment prior. 

“I thought you didn’t care for scotch,” Merlin called to Eggsy as he grabbed two glasses from the cupboard in the little kitchenette next door. He returned and took the bottle from Eggsy. He poured them both a generous amount.

“It’s not so bad.” Eggsy shrugged. “Sometimes even if you don’t like something much at the start, it can grow on you.”

“Is that so?” It struck Merlin as an odd observation for Eggsy to make, and one that could easily have meant more than it was clearly intended to. Merlin watched, amusement hiding behind his neutral expression as Eggsy took a sip and practically gagged. “Perhaps it hasn’t quite grown on you as much as you thought.” Merlin took a sip from his own glass. It wasn’t the finest, top shelf scotch, but it was pretty damn good. 

Eggsy smiled sheepishly, clearly a little embarrassed, and looked down at his glass. 

“I know fuck all about scotch,” Eggsy admitted. “Harry’s done his best to teach me, although not sure much of it stuck. The clerk at the store helped me pick it out.” 

The confession warmed Merlin just as the heat of embarrassment warmed Eggsy’s ears and colored them a faint but still noticeable pink. The color grew bolder when Eggsy took a second sip. He’d clearly been more optimistic and determined than his palette was ready for. As much as he evidently wanted scotch to grow on him, it wasn’t a mutual effort. Eggsy’s face morphed into a complex array of emotions, and it was obvious to Merlin that Eggsy was seriously considering spitting it all back into the glass and running to find a toothbrush to get the taste out of his mouth. Instead of doing just that, Eggsy settled for slumping on the couch pushed against the wall at the far end of the room. Merlin joined him, sitting down much more gracefully than Eggsy had. 

“Why didn’t you get something you actually like?” Merlin couldn’t help but ask. As entertaining as it was to watch Eggsy struggle to learn to enjoy the liquor in his glass, Merlin wanted to know what compelled him to buy it. 

“I, uh…” Eggsy was clearly struggling for an explanation. Merlin suspected it had less to do with him not having one and more to do with not wanting to answer honestly. Eggsy was a damn good liar when he needed to be, but that gift came with the part. When he was in the field, pretending to be someone else, he was magnificent. On his own, being the real, raw him, he was much more prone to shift from foot to foot and avoid eye contact exactly as he was doing now. “You like scotch.”

“That I do.” Merlin was at a loss for what else to say. He was touched that Eggsy would go out of his way to not only share a drink with Merlin, a celebratory glass--or several as it turned out--but to pick something he knew Merlin would like was just so typical of Eggsy. He could be crass and stubborn and had any number of other flaws, but he always put others above himself. It was one of the most compelling moments in the parachute test. That he stopped to give Roxy the dressing down she needed to jump was so uncharacteristic of the other candids, those in the air and those who had come before. He had been trained, some what unwillingly by his childhood and adolescence, to think of others first. It was remarkable, all things considered. Most other boys from his neighborhood would only think of themselves and whatever misdeed could be done to get ahead or just break even as was so often the case. That Eggsy was brimming with compassion really spoke to the true nature of his character. That he’d use it to dote on Merlin left Merlin feeling unfairly flattered and a tad smug. An ugly part of himself wondered why Eggsy hadn’t chosen to share this private celebration with Harry. Merlin wasn’t a hopeful man: he never had been and was pretty sure he never would be. His years growing up had been on par with Eggsy’s, perhaps even rougher. He’d managed to use his brain to get out and did what he could to do right by him mom and siblings. 

They had good lives, and that was what Merlin cared about most. He supposed it was something he and Eggsy had in common, but it wasn’t something he’d ever noticed until it had been pointed out. It was rare the Merlin talked much about himself. He’d always assumed there wasn’t much to say. Somehow that night it couldn’t have been further from the truth. They settled, sitting shoulder to shoulder, on the couch pushed against the far wall. Eggsy started telling stories about Daisy and his mum. He elaborated on the dinner they’d shared, and Merlin found himself telling stories of his own. 

Merlin shared anecdotes he’d never told anyone before. He remembered things that he’d long since forgotten. And before they knew it, it was well past midnight. They were leaning against the other as Eggsy started to nod off with his head on Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin was right there with him, eyelids heavy and begging to close. He was comfortable and warm and didn’t care that’d he’d wake up in a few hours with his back and neck screaming in agony. For the first time in a long time, he gave serious consideration to putting what he wanted first. And he wanted this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd, so I apologize if there are any mistakes.
> 
> I'm always looking for more Kingsman blogs to follow, so come find me on [Tumblr](http://cheerios-and-pocket-lint.tumblr.com/).


	8. Fixer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the light of day, Merlin can't help but chastise himself for being so foolish.

Merlin’s last thought, as he’d drifted to sleep, had been of Eggsy, sleeping contently at his side. The first thought he had upon waking was decidedly less romantic. Aside from the disorienting feeling of waking up someplace other than in his own bed, Merlin could also feel a dull pain throbbing in his neck. He lifted his head from where it had been resting none-to-peacefully on the back of the couch. As his mind began to drift towards sleep and his eyes begged to stay closed the night before, Merlin had simply let his head fall backwards so he faced the ceiling. It had been a terrible idea, as had the scotch that’d made him think it wasn’t a bad idea at the time. Now he felt every second of his age as his back cracked and his neck protested from falling asleep sitting up. Eggsy, in his infinite wisdom, had laid down at some point. He was laying on his side, arms tucked close to his body and feet dangling off the end of the couch, as his head rested heavily on Merlin’s thigh. He looked much more comfortable than Merlin felt. He knew Eggsy’s youth and agility afforded him the luxury of sleeping poorly on a lumpy couch. 

Merlin looked at Eggsy for a moment, plotting the best way to extract himself. He settled for scooting sideways and standing slowly, while every vertebrate in his spine popped and objected. The lights caught his movements and turned on, illuminating the lab with their ugly fluorescent glare. Merlin raised a hand to shield his eyes. Eggsy just snuffled a bit and mumbled a few unintelligible words but was ultimately none the wiser. Merlin knew full well that Eggsy could sleep through just about anything. Outside of the flood test, he was usually the last to wake, and was definitely not someone who could be considered a morning person. He and Merlin also had that in common. 

Merlin gave himself a few moments to get accustomed to standing upright. It was a relief and a chore all at once. He checked his watch: it was just after five in the morning. The estate was always quiet at that time, and for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t bothered by the quiet. It was serene despite the ugly florescent glow that illuminated the place. Merlin imagined the sunrise that would be creeping over the surrounding fields right about now. It was a lovely thing to witness, although even Merlin didn’t put in such long hours or arrive early enough to witness it all that often. As it were, most agents couldn’t be assed to get out of bed earlier than 8 am. For Harry it was much closer to 9. Their job demanded that they be present for meetings--physically or digitally--and be willing to be flown off to exotic and dangerous locations at a moment’s notice. There wasn’t much need for them mulling about unless they were checking in and getting brought up to speed on a mission or new piece of tech or possibly training. What they did in the interim was up to them. They didn’t punch a time card--being an agent wasn’t a job, it was a life. You were on call at any given moment and a mission could consume you for days or weeks even. So time spent outside of missions wasn’t highly regulated. You received your salary and so long as you didn’t laze about too much and kept yourself sharp you were good to go. Unless you were Merlin of course. His job was a mission that never ended. It consumed him constantly. He kept to a fixed schedule when able, only breaking it to work extra long shifts so to guide agents to their successes. It was likely a matter of days before he was doing just that for Eggsy again. 

Eggsy, for his part, was still asleep and looked entirely too peaceful. He also looked so young, and that’s what really struck Merlin. A dashing young man full of life and promise deserved much more than a crusty old man, closer to retirement than to his youth, whose joints popped when he woke up in the morning. Merlin wasn’t in a position to flirt and tease and try. There was no room in his life for maybes. He worked in absolutes both in his office and in his meager daily life outside of Kingsman. He wasn’t in a position to even dare to think Eggsy would want the same thing. 

Eggsy needed someone as bright and vibrant as Eggsy himself was. He needed someone who vibrated with passion and had an unquenchable thirst for life. Merlin was so far past his willingness to say yes to any adventure. He by no means shied away from danger and the unknown--he was Merlin after all--but he watched from the sidelines. He bore the brunt of the responsibilities and a massive chunk of the guilt when things went awry. It was this that had worn him down, made him complacent in his regime. It wasn’t in Eggsy’s cards, that Merlin was sure, to follow the same path. 

Merlin brush his hands over his hips, down the tops of his thighs, and smoothed out the wrinkles that had formed while he slept. He collected the glasses he and Eggsy had used the night before. They’d made admirable, and possibly concerning, progress on the bottle Eggsy had brought, but Merlin didn’t feel particularly out of sorts. Merlin’s regrets lay completely outside of how much he’d had to drink last night. Instead they rested solely on how he’d let himself indulge in a fantasy that he and Eggsy could be more than fellow agents. As it stood, they’d become friends after many long hours spent working side by side, and last night made it seem as though they could be something more. Now that it was a new day, even though he’d had very little sleep, he knew that was a ridiculous sentiment. Merlin gave Eggsy one last unrestrained look. He let his gaze wash over his features. And then he resolved to do better. It was unbecoming to pine over a boy half his age. It was embarrassing to do so over another agent and one that couldn’t possibly like him back. 

As he left the room, all Merlin could think about was reasons why his pathetic crush on Eggsy was just that. Eggsy was a natural flirt. It was simply how Eggsy was. Last night hadn’t changed anything. Sure they had talked and shared, and it was intimate and wonderful. Waking up together, even though he hadn’t had the luxury of wrapping Eggsy in his arms and embracing him, had been equally wonderful. But now he was fully awake. The dream was over and would not be recurring. Reality wasn’t the kind to favor the two of them. He was deluded, swayed by the circumstances. With the new day came the renewed knowledge that last night was simply a night. It was nothing special or significant between the two of them. It was simply Eggsy reaching out to one of the few people who could share in his minor victory and return his toast to active duty. That was all. He was insane to have believed otherwise.


	9. Rockin' and Reelin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin plans to give Eggsy a wide berth and let him and the agent focus on their work. Eggsy has never been good about being ignored and always finds a way to speak his mind.

Eggsy was gone when Merlin got back to his lab. It was a small mercy if anything, although to Merlin it was compounded by a painful barb. He was grateful to not be confronted with Eggsy’s angelic sleeping face, or even worse, Eggsy awake and bashfully uncertain on how to leave without making things awkward. There was nothing either of them could say that wouldn’t make the reality of falling asleep on the couch together more than a tad uncomfortable for one or both of them. Silence was the best choice, and if Merlin dawdled as he made coffee, it was for the best. Or course each second of procrastination gave Merlin more time to himself to think. He was saved from his own thoughts by Dr. Thomas just as he was pouring himself a second cup of coffee. 

“Ah Merlin,” Dr. Thomas clapped him on the shoulder in greeting. “You’re here early.”

Merlin simply replied by raising his eyebrows, looking up over the top of his glasses as he took a sip from his steaming cup. 

“Oh I couldn’t sleep. The puppies woke me up at half past three, and it seemed pointless to go back to bed. You’ll find as you get older, you sleep less, so it was really no bother, although I’m already looking forward to having a nice nap later. I suppose that’s par for the course for agents and handlers.” 

“Aye.”

“Of course things will quiet down for me soon. The pups are old enough to be sent off to new homes. Eggsy had mentioned a while back that you were considering getting a dog. Cocker spaniels make excellent companions.”

Merlin had made the excuse a thousand times--his schedule was too inconsistent, the hours were too long to be fair to a dog. Thankfully everyone refrained from pointing out that agents regularly left theirs for days on end as missions cropped up. Kingsman was equipped to take care of the dogs gained during the recruitment process, but ultimately Merlin wasn’t ready to settle for canine companionship. There was still a small niggling hope, long since buried and recently rekindled much to Merlin’s chagrin, that he could share his remaining years with a partner not just a pet. 

Whether Dr. Thomas sensed Merlin’s reluctance or not, he’d saved Merlin from having to justify his polite refusal by launching into a meandering, tangent-laden retelling of the successes and failures of a noted Byzantine emperor. On a normal day, the onslaught of information would have sent Merlin receding into his own brain and keeping himself mentally occupied until he could make his escape. Today, however, Merlin was oddly thankful for the distraction. He was happy to let Dr. Thomas talk and did his best to listen to the exploits of Andronikos II while the minutes ticked by slowly. 

“After repeated failures, Andronikos disowned his grandson--who incidentally shared his name--which led to a civil war. Eventually Andronikos II was forced to abdicate and became a monk.” Dr. Thomas, it seemed, had finally finished. Merlin didn’t have an appropropriate reply to Dr. Thomas’ story or the plight of Andronikos II, although Merlin wasn’t sure that quitting and joining a monastery was a bad idea. 

He dreamed idly about what life would be like as a Trappist as he escorted his fifth or sixth cup of coffee back to his office to start his day proper. He didn’t even allow himself to pause or feel more than a brief pang of sadness when he spotted the empty couch. Instead he sat heavily in his chair, turned on his monitors and got on with it. There was new intel waiting for him, and he began drafting the parameters of the latest mission despite his reservations about sending an agent who had returned from medical leave just the day before back into the field. Perhaps his life would be easier if Eggsy became a monk instead of him. It had been excruciating to listen to the boy’s pain. When he flat lined Merlin felt his own heart stop, and Merlin knew he couldn’t go through that again. He greenlit Eggsy for the mission and handed it off to a different handler.

It came as no surprise that Eggsy succeeded. The mission went perfectly, not a single hitch in the plan. Merlin felt secure that he’d made the right choice passing Eggsy’s well-being onto another staff member, so he did it for the next mission and the one after that. It was surprising how quickly time passed. A pattern emerged, only disrupted by infrequent trips away from his computer. Only Harry seemed to notice that his jaunts further into the lower levels of the estate coincided with Eggsy being on the grounds. 

“You’re being ridiculous,” Harry asserted as he wandered into the lab uninvited. 

“I disagree.” Merlin had stubbornly continued to play ignorant for weeks, refusing to confide in Harry while doing his best to tamp down the truth. Clearly Harry didn’t need an actual confirmation from Merlin to know exactly what was going on; so Harry crossed his arms and watched Merlin impatiently from the doorway. 

“Fine,” Harry conceded sounding exasperated. “You’ve been the voice of reason at Kingsman for years, I suppose it is your turn to be a complete and utter fool for once.” 

Merlin glared at Harry’s nonchalant put down. It was true that he’d stalwartly put up with Harry’s antics for decades and still blamed Harry for going bald. Harry letting this go was worth the loss of every hair, although there was a glint in Harry’s eye that told him it the most foolish thing he could do was think for a second Harry would let him off that easy. His suspicion that Harry was up to something was confirmed when Eggsy walked up behind where Harry was still standing in the doorway. 

“Merlin.” It was an icy greeting: Eggsy didn’t even bothered to look at him. For as good as an agent that Eggsy was, when it came to real life, he wasn’t so great at hiding his emotions. It was evident that he had a bone to pick with Merlin. Harry looked as though he was tempted to stay and watch the little show down he’d arranged but contented himself with stepping around Eggsy and departing without another word. 

Eggsy walked past the spot Harry had just vacated and moved into the room. It was the first time Merlin had seen Eggsy in person in weeks. He’d only caught glimpses of him on camera and promptly ignored the instances where Eggsy had popped down to the lab and left looking decidedly irritated. They’d spoken with more regularity over the comms, but their conversations were brief and focused on whatever task was at hand. Eggsy paced, back and forth across the room. It was obvious he was gearing up to say something and needed a little bit of time to psych himself up and figure out what he was going to say. Merlin watched, not willing to push the lad to speak before he was ready. He’d get there in his own time, and trying to make him speed up would only end badly. As it stood Merlin already didn’t have high hopes about what what about to happen. In fact his heart was pounding. He was feeling vaguely nauseous but determined not to show it. So Merlin went back to work, tapping away on his tablet and keeping an eye out on Eggsy’s progress. Eventually Eggsy rounded on him, and Merlin gave himself a moment to finish what he was doing before acknowledging the boy. He raised his eyebrows, an evident invitation for Eggsy to get on with whatever he’d come to say. Merlin wanted this, whatever it was, done and over with so he could get back to living in denial.

“What the fuck Merlin?” 

“That’s not a real question Eggsy.” Merlin let his trademark sarcasm cover up his confusion. He honestly wasn’t sure what Eggsy was mad about. He’d done everything he could to remain professional and ensure that Eggsy had the best resources available to him as he completely his missions.

“The fuck it ain't,” Eggsy spat back. He took a moment to breathe before continuing in a more earnest tone. “You going to tell me what the hell is going on with you? I mean, we were doing good, weren’t we? You told me those stories about your family and then nothing. You just shut down, and I can’t figure out what I did.” 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Merlin wasn’t about to allow himself to be hopeful. His heart was praying that Eggsy was suggesting he missed Merlin as much as Merlin had missed him. But his head was hellbent on not allowing him to set himself up for repeated heartbreak. 

“Bullshit. You know damn well what I’m talking about. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or whatever. I thought you were into me too. Clearly you’re not. I get it, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it. We should still be able to work together.”

Merlin was at a loss. 

“ Eggsy, I...” the words wouldn’t come. Merlin’s brain was foggy as it tried to process everything Eggsy had said. 

“Or not.” Eggsy looked crestfallen, his expression announcing that he’d clearly misinterpreted Merlin’s silence. “I’ll see myself out, yeah.” And he turned and went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd...sorry for any typos. Feel free to yell at me on my [Tumblr](https://cheerios-and-pocket-lint.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Also I know fuck all about Byzantine emperors, so I informally dedicate this chapter to Google and Wikipedia.


	10. Who Do You Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin realizes he's made a terrible mistake and works quickly to fix it.

Merlin was still dazed by this revelation. He willed his mind to catch up and his body to take some sort of action, but he was stuck. The seconds ticked by, counted down by the sounds of Eggsy’s receding footsteps. As the younger man moved down the hallway and away from the lab, the sounds of his footfalls got quieter but not less urgent. Eggsy had stopped by looking for a fight and had chosen, perhaps wisely, to flee instead. If only his instinct to retreat could have spared them both irreparably pain, yet there was not self-preservation to be had. It was too late for that. And as the rushed rhythm of Eggsy’s hasty exit dulled, hope dwindled mercilessly.

Merlin felt powerless, completely inept. It was a feeling was sure had gone extinct sometime in his late 20s, right around the time he joined Kingsman himself. In the years since, Merlin had always been the expert the room, regardless of the company. In most instances it was his job to be the sharpest and most knowledgeable. People deferred to his expertize, and now he was floundering miserably. This was the one thing he’d never been good at. Computers he understood, and while people weren’t necessarily confusing, he’d always found it easier to steer clear of entanglements. It made it easier for everyone, yet he’d never before experienced the gnawing ache that had been growing steadily for weeks. 

The ache had settled below his heart, filling the violent chasm that had been cleaved there when he’d heard Eggsy flatline over the comms. It had grown steadily as the distance between them increased. It was a distance that Merlin had imposed and fought for. He’d battled with himself, convinced that logic and reason had to best his foolish emotions at any cost. So for all those weeks, he’d adamantly refused to believe that Eggsy could harbor anything but platonic feelings towards him. He’d blinded himself to the truth. 

Merlin had hoped that there was something more between them and longed for it to be reciprocated. Eggsy had done more than just wish for the same thing all along. Eggsy had been there the whole damn time, not as just a friend and colleague, but as a true companion. Merlin could see it in retrospect, see the intention in everyone of Eggsy’s actions and words. Merlin had to admire his tenacity and determination. Eggsy had remained patient and vigilant, looking for perfect moments to engage Merlin and try to break down his defences. Eggsy had treated Merlin like a mission. He’d set a goal, laid a plan, and regrouped each time it failed. And when there was nothing left to do, Eggsy had laid all his card bare and gone for broke. The only way to fix this was for Merlin to do the same thing. Merlin was up and moving before he even realized. He’d cleared the doorway and was free of the lab and the guilt and denial that now inhabited it before he even had a plan. 

“Eggsy, wait!” he called as Eggsy turned the corner and disappeared from sight. Merlin would swear that only a few seconds had past, but Eggsy had a remarkable lead on him. So Merlin began to jog. He was desperate to catch up even though his heart was already pounding and his breath was coming short. Something akin to panic rose up in him with each step, spiking dangerously as he rounded the corner. Part of him expected that Eggsy would have vanished in thin air, but instead he discovered that Eggsy had stopped altogether. He was waiting for Merlin, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. He had one leg bent at the knee, foot planted on the wall behind him, and wouldn’t look at Merlin. He had his jaw clenched in anger and frustration. Everything about Eggsy screamed _leave me alone_. What could Merlin possibly say to make this right? Eggsy had spoke so plainly and been so painfully honest. He deserved someone who could do the same. Merlin owed it to him. Yet all he could manage was a whispered apology. 

“I’m sorry.” He meant it for himself as much as for Eggsy. It was an irrefutable truth, and it did nothing to break down Eggsy’s icy facade. 

“What exactly are you sorry for?” The question was callous, meant to wound. 

“I’m sorry that I hurt you. That was never my intention.” Merlin stepped closer, cautiously merging into Eggsy’s space. He looked down at Eggsy, feeling small and ill at ease despite being taller than the other man. Still Eggsy wouldn’t quite look at him, so Merlin slowly lifted his right hand to cup Eggsy’s cheek. As gently as he could muster, Merlin turned Eggsy’s head to face him, to look into those beautiful brown eyes. “I wouldn’t let myself think, even for a moment, that you could want me. I was too busy protecting my own heart, that I ended up hurting yours instead.” 

“Merlin,” Eggsy exhaled with fondness and understanding. He placed his own hand over where Merlin’s still rested on his cheek. 

“Please forgive me.” It was a small request but something Merlin would work the rest of this life to earn if need be. Eggsy had represented so much potential and a future that Merlin had never before thought he could be lucky enough to have. And somehow, for the first time, Eggsy felt real. To Merlin, the concept of _them_ was finally tangible. Merlin couldn’t help himself. He leaned in, back bowing, and paused. Eggsy tipped his chin back, their lips hovering just a fraction apart. 

“I love you,” Merlin murmured as Eggsy closed the distance between them.


	11. Can't Stop Lovin'

The kiss was supposed to be chaste, something simple and tender to erase their discord and absolve Merlin of his foolishness. It was meant to be a promise, ephemeral in the moment but eternal in meaning, followed by a million more scattered throughout their future and counted with reverence. Eggsy clearly had other ideas. His grip held firm, arms sliding over Merlin’s shoulders to loop around his neck as his soft, pliant lips grew insistent, parting so Eggsy could nip gently at Merlin’s. After that all decorum flew out the figurative window and a searing kiss gave way to open mouths and brazen tongues. 

Merlin’s hands found Eggsy’s trim waist and served as an anchor. He pulled their bodies flush until they were pressed together from head to toe. The sensation of his body against Eggsy’s, folding slightly to encompass the other man, was thrilling, but Merlin yearned to somehow get closer. He backed the younger man into the wall and resting his weight against Eggsy’s chest, and trapping Eggsy’s hands where they’d come to rest on Merlin’s chest, fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater to aid Merlin’s efforts. If Merlin were a younger man, he’d consider running his hands down the back of Eggsy’s thighs and hoisting him up to wrap his legs around Merlin’s waist. Instead he settled for letting his hands wander southward and devouring Eggsy’s moan as Merlin cupped his ass. 

They were both hard and aching, there was no doubt about it, and Merlin knew he’d be thoroughly embarrassed later about how desperate he felt. Every fiber of his being wanted Eggsy, but the very small part of his brain that was still functioning and hadn’t completely succumb to lust reminded him that the hallway outside his office was not the place to have him. 

“Oh my!” It was an innocent proclamation, startled out of some poor, unsuspecting sod with terrible timing. Eggsy flinched away, unable to escape from where Merlin’s mass had him pinned to the wall. Merlin, for his own sake, attempted to retain some air of respectability. He took a step away from Eggsy, tamping down the awkwardness that threatened to eradicate the giddiness of the previous moment. Merlin took a breath to calm himself and ran a hand down his front, hoping to smooth the wrinkles that now creased it and give himself a moment to get decent. Eggsy still looked a tad dazed. There was a flush that’d risen high on his cheeks. It was beautiful, endearingly so, and just the sight of it caused an uptick in the annoyance Merlin felt at being interrupted. He held in a sigh as he turned to spot Dr. Thomas looking shell shocked. 

There was a small tan puppy with wavy ears and inquisitive eyes wriggling in Dr. Thomas’ arms, eager to get down. It succeeded in launching himself from the doctor’s arms and skittering to the floor. It’s paws, still a little too large for its body as it grew out of its puppy phase, scrambled for purchase on the polished floor before it picked up speed and barreled towards Merlin’s feet. It slid to a halt, its momentum cut off by the barrier of Merlin’s shins and effectively freed the three men from their momentary, shock-induced paralysis. Eggsy was the first to move as he crouched to the floor to let the cocker spaniel dance on its hind legs while licking at Eggsy’s chin. Eggsy laughed, pursing his lips and cooing at the dog. Merlin gave himself a moment to be thankful he’d had a run at Eggsy’s face before the dog scampered along. 

“Dr. Thomas,” Merlin nodded to the man and turn his gaze to the whirling puppy who’d was now clambering for his attention as well. “And who’s this?” Merlin crouched too. The little scamp launched itself onto Merlin’s knees and begged to be scooped up into Merlin’s arms. Merlin stood, running his hand over the puppy’s soft ears. 

“We’ve been calling her Anna, short for Anatolia,” Dr. Thomas replied, looking less uncomfortable than he initially did. He was still keeping his distance, feet firmly planted where he’d stopped a good 25 feet away, and his expression gave a hint that he wasn’t sure if he should address what he’d interrupted or just let it go. 

“Like the region,” Eggsy supplied. 

“Very good,” Dr. Thomas smiled. It was obvious that the doctor appreciated Eggsy’s eagerness to learn and ability to retain an impressive portion of the long, impromptu history lessons. “Incidentally the name Anatolia is derived from the Greek word for sunrise or east, and this little girl crowned just as the sun was coming up.”

Merlin recalled the conversation he and Eggsy shared on the on the plane to Kentucky, and that at some point Eggsy had told Dr. Thomas Merlin was considering taking one of the dogs. That was practically a lifetime ago. Time had slowed to a crawl as Merlin stupidly worked to avoid Eggsy, and he hadn’t thought much about what had become of Dr. Thomas’ new litter of pups. And then just his morning alone, so much had happened.

“She was the runt of the litter, but she’s got spirit,” Dr. Thomas continued. Merlin could tell where this was going. “Now she just needs a good home.”

Merlin looked down at Anna. She yawned, as though it was still early in the morning, and let her head plop against his shoulder. Eggsy looked up at Merlin with an expectant expression. He’d taken a break from petting her to give Merlin his undivided attention. Merlin recalled telling Eggsy he had no intention of getting a dog any time soon, then again, Harry had worked double time to try to convince him that he didn’t always know what was best for himself. Of course that meant Harry would likely take credit for Merlin and Eggsy’s whatever it was. They’d have to talk about it at some point, him and Eggsy. Merlin knew they had plenty of time for that, days, months, and years to talk about everything and anything. 

And that’s what helped Merlin make up his mind. Merlin smiled down at Anna, his proverbial sunrise. With her in his arms and Eggsy by his side, he had such a powerful reminder that a new day had dawned, and with it the future looked that much brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More apologies for the inevitable types and even greater apologies for how fucking long this took me to finish. But it is finally finished, and I'm pretty thrilled with the final product. Thanks to everyone who read this and left comments and kudos.


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